Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Interview with the Ink Cartridge Bomber (Yeah-Man!)

Suicide bomber Abdullah Hassan Tali’ Asiri tri...Image via Wikipedia
In a rare global scoop, Philosopher's Tree has secured an exclusive telephone interview with Ibrahim Hassan al-Asiri, regraded by American security experts as the manufacturer of the so-called ink cartridge bombs recently discovered on cargo flights originating in Yemen.

PT: Mr al-Asiri-

A: Please, you infidel, you may call me Ibrahim.

PT: I'm sorry. Ibrahim. Could you please tell me whether you are in any way connected with the recent ink cartridge bombs which were found on their way to Chicago?

I: If it please you, I cannot say.

PT: You are, however, widely regraded by the US authorities as being the mastermind behind the attempted bombing.

I: Mastermind? I thank you, though, I can say no more about my possible involvement with Al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula.

PT: I hadn't mentioned that particular terrorist group.

I: Ah.

PT: You are also credited with the so-called underpants bomb worn by Umar Abdulmutallab in an attempt to blow up a plane on route to Detroit. Can you comment on that report?

I: Underpants are a decadent Western garment and worthy of destruction. Detroit is also a decadent Western city.

PE: A city which contains one of the largest Arabic-speaking populations in America.

I: Why do you accuse Arabs of being involved? You decadent Western bloggers are quick to rush to blame us when underpants are on fire over your beloved automobile manufacturing city, but silent when the sky is on fire due to American-backed Zionist aggression.

PT: Are you saying then that you were involved in the Christmas Day plot?

I: Plot? There was no plot, just an attempt to pin the blame for America's economic collapse on an innocent man.

PT: You mean Mr Abdulmutallab?

I: I mean Father Christmas, you son of a camel. Do you think I am unaware that this innocent figure was originally a middle eastern holy man, centuries before he was stolen by the Coca Cola Company for use in its commercial advertising campaigns?

PT: Moving on, if I may, your brother, Abdullah al-Asiri (pictured) was the suicide bomber involved in the assassination attempt of Saudi Arabia's intelligence minister last year. Were you aware of his plans beforehand?

I: How do you know my dear brother was a suicide bomber? Were you there at the time? No, you have only read the news reports put out by the oppressive Saudi rulers, bankrolled by the imperialist Zionist regime.

PT: But you do accept that your brother did die in the attack?

I: My brother is dead.

PT: Do you know how he died?

I: He exploded, due to excessive consumption of decedent Coca Cola, created by the imperialists in Atlanta, Georgia.

PT: And you accept that he died in the presence of the Saudi intelligence minister?

I: I believe my brother was taking part in a prize giving ceremony for his contribution to the development of the carbonated drinks industry within the Kingdom.

PT: Some security analysts are suggesting that the three bombs which have been linked to you - the underpants bomb, the body cavity bomb and the most recent ink cartridge bomb, were all rather poorly made.

I: How dare you!

PT: It is a fact, is it not, that none of the three devices have so far achieved their intended outcomes so far?

I: Do you know my intended outcomes? Can you see inside my mind?

PT: You were involved in these attacks then?

I: You twist my words like the cords of your underpants. We have a saying in Yemen: some liars tell the truth.

PT: Which seems an appropriate point to thank you for your time today.


If you enjoyed this post, get free updates by email or RSS.

No comments: